i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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