Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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