why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
