he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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