Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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