My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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