I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
