never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
