You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
