Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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