Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
