i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
