You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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