I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
