Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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