you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
