A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
