3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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