I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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