Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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