yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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