Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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