Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
