I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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