I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
3pm strippers are depressing
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
