'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i need some magic done to my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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