So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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