The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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