I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're a waste of cheezeits
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
