It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When are your genitals available?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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