I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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