....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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