I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
