I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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