i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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