This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
