shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
