is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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