Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
