It's just like the Real World with babies
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
