Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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