"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh god it's open bar.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
