That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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