so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
