Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
