You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
