I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
