I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
