we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
