he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
