Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
