That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
