He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
