Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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