I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
