we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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