would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
