Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize