How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
