I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
