I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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